The Growing Pains of Publishing
the stories we love before getting a book deal
Hi friends!
It’s somehow been a whole year since I wrote my last newsletter. A lot has happened since I sent that one out in April 2023, but here are the most important things for the sake of this post:
I left my first agent and shelved REMEMBER WHEN for the time being
I wrote a new book called SMASH OR PASS and signed with a dream agent
I started working on another YA romcom, which some of you might already know as Cruise Book, but I’ll share the title with you now, as a little treat…
CAN I MAKE IT ANY MORE OBVIOUS? is the third book I feel serious about, but it’s my sixth novel overall. I’m definitely still in the early, honeymoon-like stages of drafting this book so do take this with a grain of salt, but every time I work on it, I just feel so incredibly proud. I truly believe that this new romcom marks my writing craft reaching a new level.
This has led to me thinking a lot about how writers really do grow with each book they write and how, in a weird sense, that growth can hurt. After all, working on a new book-of-your-heart often means outgrowing the previous ones.
I’ll be calling this process the growing pains of publishing, because that feels pretty accurate and at least a little clever. Now, if you’ll allow me to reminisce, let’s talk some more about how it feels to say goodbye to the stories we love before getting a book deal.
The Growing Pains of Publishing
I still remember thinking REMEMBER WHEN, the first book I tried to get published, was too special to get shelved. It had a strong concept that received a lot of reader + editor interest on Twitter and when I started querying it, I secured four offers of representation. I’ve never been a very confident person, but I really did believe it would be my debut since this book was my first love. I was certain I would never love something so deeply ever again, so if REMEMBER WHEN wasn’t The Book for me, then what would be?
The thing is, there’s no guaranteed secret recipe that will open the doors of the publishing industry for you. Even working hard isn’t foolproof. You can be a good writer that put their heart and soul into a book, and that really could be the start of your career as a published author, which I really hope is the case! But it could also end up feeling like all that passion meant… nothing.
When I realized I had to shelve REMEMBER WHEN, it felt like I was back to where I started. Like I had made no progress at all. This was partly because I left my first agent, which seemed like a huge step back at the time, but it was also because the book I was trying to write wasn’t clicking yet.
That book, however, would soon become SMASH OR PASS, and as we know now, I love that story to bits and pieces. As much as I felt like giving up on getting my books published altogether, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Brainstorming until it would hopefully feel the same way REMEMBER WHEN did.
Then my best friend—bless you, Kalie—suggested I merge the plot of my volleyball book with that of my summer camp book, and SMASH OR PASS finally fell into place. I put down the words of the story I wanted to tell on paper and realized that… this wasn’t like REMEMBER WHEN, actually. I was proud of what I wrote, I loved it, and it meant the whole world to me—exactly like REMEMBER WHEN once did—but I also realized how much me and my writing had grown.
This book was cleverer. The dialogue better, the concept more marketable, and all the rest felt stronger, too. It had a great voice, a whole lot of heart, and even though I wasn’t as hopeful because of what had happened to REMEMBER WHEN, I felt that special spark again.
It was such a wonderful and painful realization all at once. A little bit like when you’re a teenager hitting your growth spurt and you can feel everything within you ache, even though you know it’s natural and you’re just becoming taller.
I look back on REMEMBER WHEN with a lot of feelings. I still love that book and I’m so grateful for what it gave me because here’s the truth: I was wrong about it having been for nothing. Without that book, I wouldn’t be the writer or person I am today.
And, to be honest, I also really do hope I get to return to that story one day and make it better.
Right now, I’m busy working on CAN I MAKE IT ANY MORE OBVIOUS? though. A book that, once again, marks my writing craft reaching a new level. That feeling still scares me, because I know what it could mean for SMASH OR PASS.
However, I don’t know what the future for that book will look like just yet, but here’s the thing about working on multiple books before securing a book deal: none of it is ever wasted. You learn from these books. They’re the reason you get to grow as a writer and one day, if you wish, you can give them their very own growth spurt, too.
